The pain of not being able to go back and relive the experiences, despite their marks being ingrained in the soul.

Missing is painful! Longing for the past; for the ephemeral present that is neither past nor future. The promise of the future, of the open roads and the potential to run far. Naughty life that makes us live in a timeline: with a straight and hard directional arrow… yet allow us to carry memories in the heart which cause painful nostalgia: saudade!

Time, which does not let us go back even if only to taste the past again. Treacherous time that fills the heart with longing but does not let it be now.

Clube de Esquina: Milton Nascimento & Lo Borges

O tempo é amigo e inimigo. Sua linearidade e dependência na nossa memória segmentam a vida.

Sentimos a dor de não poder voltar e reviver as experiências, ainda assim suas marcas estão arraigadas na alma.

Saudade da dor. Saudade do passado; do presente efêmero, que nem é passado ou futuro. Da promessa do futuro, dos caminhos abertos e da distância para correr. Vida safada que nos faz viver na linha do tempo: reta e dura e em só uma direção… mas que carrega lembranças no coração e causa saudade dolosa.

Tempo, que não deixa voltar nem que seja so para sentir o gostinho do passado. Tempo traiçoeiro que invade o coração de saudade no agora mas não deixa viver o passado.

The days when we were a unit and staying apart seemed impossible, shifted to the rare occasions when we get to be a unit again for a short period of time.

Even though I appreciate the present; I long for the past, when we didn’t have to live apart, separated by distance, by everyday life, experiencing everyday losses.

Homeopathic losses, that happen everyday, several times a day; that over time have been accumulating and changing how we relate to each other and reality: life. Distance does that! Distance in space, distance in time, distance in reality, distance in death. They all amount to losses, everyday homeopathic losses and longings.

It is like taking a trip to your favorite place. You know the destiny is worth the ride. Yet all the roads are complex, tortuous, scary, painful and fun! The imprint of the trip is all over my body: on each silvery strain of hair; each long, deep, line on my face.

I have enjoyed every minute of his path: from the miracle of developing a life inside of me; to the craziness of giving birth; the unknown of figuring out a newborn; the magical moments of seeing my baby discover and explore the world as a child; the weird asynchronicity of teenage years where body, mind and emotions not necessary developed at the same time and with the same speed; the need to give space and learn to let go for the young adult to discover himself, and now as an adult teaching me to trust, rely, embrace and enjoy him as a best friend. Every phase has been unique and special but they all have been wonderful because of him! I would do it over, and over, and over again!